Do You Love Me Too?

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dancing = struggling

There aren’t many things that intimidate me, and if there are, I am pretty good at faking it until I’m making it. Contact improv is one of those marvelous things that intimidates, and flat out scares me. Being required to get involved in an actual jam didn’t seem scary until the day I showed up. It’s hard for me to let go of that sense of “being right” when it comes to dance. I come from a place where you must “do everything correctly” or you are a “horrible person”. So needless to say the fear of failing in public scarred me to death and made me so nervous I couldn’t stop shaking. However, having made it through three successful improve jams, I am here to say that there is nothing better than contact improvisational dancing. The initial movement scared me. Many people jumped right into it after warming up, and I had to stretch a little longer than I normally do so I could prepare for what might lay ahead. As I slowly made my way toward the crowd of people I started to over a...
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Invisible.

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I've felt invisible lately.  Like in my performances, and even sometimes in my classes.  I was given an opportunity to take a ballet class for free at Shawl-Anderson in Berkeley and I jumped at the offer.  This morning I got up scared and nervous because I haven't danced at a studio in a long time.  I kind of hoped that the teacher would notice me, and she did. She was constantly adjusting and correcting me (which is a good thing in ballet class).  She called me out and even asked me to lead a few times. It was great, but then I thought oh well, she kind of knows me so she is showing me some extra attention.  Well as we were wrapping up pne of the advanced students came over to me and said you danced beautifully, good job.  I was so shocked and excited.  Then I continured to gather my things and another teacher came up to me and said your double turns are just gorgeous, you are a beautiful dancer.  I was so speachless.  Especially be...
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Thoughts on Love. I was reading a blog recently from someone who asked what love really is. It made me think. I am questioning it now too. It is different for every person. I would like to think that loving someone means respecting and trusting them and wanting to share the rest of your life with the other person. It's hard to find the difference between love and lust. Lust is more for a sexual experience or attraction and although being attracted to your significant other is important, it isn't the basis for love. Sometimes I want to hold off hooking up with guys in order to see what I feel about the person I'm talking to non-sexually. It's easy to do the sex thing, but if you really want to love someone you have to trust them and know then inside and out and care about what they care about. I was in love once. Many years ago. The love wasn't reciprocated but it taught me a very important lesson: be careful with your heart. It's not healthy and shouldn't...
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