U G H

I've felt invisible lately.  Like in my performances, and even sometimes in my classes.  I was given an opportunity to take a ballet class for free at Shawl-Anderson in Berkeley and I jumped at the offer.  This morning I got up scared and nervous because I haven't danced at a studio in a long time.  I kind of hoped that the teacher would notice me, and she did. She was constantly adjusting and correcting me (which is a good thing in ballet class).  She called me out and even asked me to lead a few times. It was great, but then I thought oh well, she kind of knows me so she is showing me some extra attention.  Well as we were wrapping up pne of the advanced students came over to me and said you danced beautifully, good job.  I was so shocked and excited.  Then I continured to gather my things and another teacher came up to me and said your double turns are just gorgeous, you are a beautiful dancer.  I was so speachless.  Especially be...

Listening to this song.  It's an instrumental track by some group/people called Enigma.  Yea it's new age music, it's interesting, so get over it.  The strings in it are beautiful and the sound you can hear behind the music is creepy in an alluring way.  Like I am in some kind of trance, and the music may repeat itself for a few measures but always adds a new sound or voice in the background. Anyway, I went to talk with "the actor" last night, and it was going to be dramatic I already knew.  Well, putting aside the fact that he was getting ready to go out of town and all...we mainly got in the car and didn't even talk for the longest.   It was crazy.  He always has something to say and I wasn't saying much of anything.  Because we had the whole conversation before.  So I always figure we are going to go nowhere with it.  Yet we still have it.  He started listing the ideas I had and why I was in the wrong for having this list of...

Rehearsals.  I must have had a million of them the past few months. I miss it. Stressing about learning the dance and mastering it before the show. Then that rush of performing it in front of people. Now in these next few months I have to work on my OWN piece of work. I have been taking a break from working on it. In about a week it's going to be time to really push and dig and create a masterpiece. So wish me luck.

 When the wind is blowing in your face sometimes in life you don't see straight Wait it will show When your head is in a certain place Nobody around to make you say Stand strong and you will go oooh wait till you see my smile ooo wait till they see your smile don't they love to see you down kick you while you are in the ground don't let any emotions show people always make you late don't let them get in your way see they say things they don't know oooh wait till you see my smile oooh wait till they see your smile Hey So don't you look better now Everybody comes around cause you don't really need much Just don't go in and your better ready for whatever saying oooh wait till you see my smile oooh wait till they see your smile THANK YOU ALICIA KEYS

Thoughts on Love. I was reading a blog recently from someone who asked what love really is. It made me think. I am questioning it now too. It is different for every person. I would like to think that loving someone means respecting and trusting them and wanting to share the rest of your life with the other person. It's hard to find the difference between love and lust. Lust is more for a sexual experience or attraction and although being attracted to your significant other is important, it isn't the basis for love. Sometimes I want to hold off hooking up with guys in order to see what I feel about the person I'm talking to non-sexually. It's easy to do the sex thing, but if you really want to love someone you have to trust them and know then inside and out and care about what they care about. I was in love once. Many years ago. The love wasn't reciprocated but it taught me a very important lesson: be careful with your heart. It's not healthy and shouldn't...

Well... I have to vent to someone, somewhere. We started talking over facebook over the summer. I added him bc I had seen him around campus n thought there was something about him. So of coarse I thought I would just be his facbook friend. Well one day in July he im-ed me. He quickly became comfortable talking to me and vise versa. So we talked whenever we saw each other online. Then he began writing me messages. Nothing in particular, just the typical, "hey how are you?" and "what are you up to?" and "any plans this weekend?" Well I didn't think I was attracted to him and didn't know about his feelings towards me until one day when I made some sexual comment. Originally made it as a joke n he responded with "I'd like that" and so I thought about hooking up with him. It was the weirdest feeling, because I didn't think he was the most attractive guy I had ever met, but there was something about him...and then again ther...