Well...
I have to vent to someone, somewhere.
We started talking over facebook over the summer. I added him bc I had seen him around campus n thought there was something about him. So of coarse I thought I would just be his facbook friend. Well one day in July he im-ed me. He quickly became comfortable talking to me and vise versa. So we talked whenever we saw each other online. Then he began writing me messages. Nothing in particular, just the typical, "hey how are you?" and "what are you up to?" and "any plans this weekend?" Well I didn't think I was attracted to him and didn't know about his feelings towards me until one day when I made some sexual comment. Originally made it as a joke n he responded with "I'd like that" and so I thought about hooking up with him. It was the weirdest feeling, because I didn't think he was the most attractive guy I had ever met, but there was something about him...and then again there was one day when I was checking my facebook every 2 mins waiting for his response to some message I wrote him, it was then that I knew: I had a new crush.
We exchanged numbers and have been talking on the phone almost every night since September. He was shy when school started and had to get comfortable talking to me in person. It was so cute. He seemed so cocky and confident but when it came to talking to a girl he liked he was hesitant and it made me laugh. We got comfortable with each other while being involved in the same play at school, so we saw a lot of each other. We would spend sometime after rehearsal talking as I drove him to bart. In fact, it became almost a nightly ritual to hang out, talk, and then drop him at bart. Well, one night we were talking and I leaned into him, wondering if we should kiss. I didn't want to make the first move if it wasn't something he wanted as well, so I just looked at him. It was so perfect. The r&b music was playing and we exchanged smiles and then he just leaned into me and started kissing me. Slow at first, then adding his tongue and with a little more force. I was turned on so quickly I almost couldn't control myself. So, needless to say I gave him head. He was so shocked about my abilities he came in under ten mins. From then on our rituals turned into sexcapades. I was getting worried that we were turning into fuck buddies and I didn't want that.
When we began talking I made it clear that I was interested in having a relationship of some sort and wasn't looking for someone to hook up with. There we were doing exactly what I didn't want to do. I tried to stop myself, but I was attracted to him, I couldn't help it. WE began having mini arguments about what we were doing about a month into us "talking". He kept on telling me he didn't know what he wanted n I kept on telling him I wanted more. Over the next few months we had many of these similar arguments, all resulting in the same thing. Nothing. We didn't know what we were doing, and where we were going. LAst night I planned on telling him goodbye for the last time, telling myself it's what I had to do because I might be wasting my time with him. You can take a wild guess what happened. We walked around the campus and talked, and talked, and talked. Talked about us, about the campus, about life. We ended back at my car and I decided to take us to the marina to finish our convo. Well, I could feel the sexual tension even though we had been talking all night about separating. So we played a kissing game, and well that didn't last long, we began making out and it was all over after that, and the result? THE BEST SEX.
I know we have different ideas of what's expected from the other and it's hard. This relationship thing is confusing and difficult because we are different and busy and... But I like him. I enjoy his company, his sarcasm, his jokes, his stories, his advice, his eyes, his lips...so I didn't end up walking away, or even coming to a conclusion. We don't know what we are doing but we know we like each other and that's what counts, right? He said earlier in the night that what's worth keeping is worth working for, and I guess I just may have to work a little harder for him/it. At least try to make something out of this, because I think its worth it. If I find out it's not, then there's a lesson learned, but for now I guess I will just try to go along with the flow. We will see what the universe has in store for us.
I have to vent to someone, somewhere.
We started talking over facebook over the summer. I added him bc I had seen him around campus n thought there was something about him. So of coarse I thought I would just be his facbook friend. Well one day in July he im-ed me. He quickly became comfortable talking to me and vise versa. So we talked whenever we saw each other online. Then he began writing me messages. Nothing in particular, just the typical, "hey how are you?" and "what are you up to?" and "any plans this weekend?" Well I didn't think I was attracted to him and didn't know about his feelings towards me until one day when I made some sexual comment. Originally made it as a joke n he responded with "I'd like that" and so I thought about hooking up with him. It was the weirdest feeling, because I didn't think he was the most attractive guy I had ever met, but there was something about him...and then again there was one day when I was checking my facebook every 2 mins waiting for his response to some message I wrote him, it was then that I knew: I had a new crush.
We exchanged numbers and have been talking on the phone almost every night since September. He was shy when school started and had to get comfortable talking to me in person. It was so cute. He seemed so cocky and confident but when it came to talking to a girl he liked he was hesitant and it made me laugh. We got comfortable with each other while being involved in the same play at school, so we saw a lot of each other. We would spend sometime after rehearsal talking as I drove him to bart. In fact, it became almost a nightly ritual to hang out, talk, and then drop him at bart. Well, one night we were talking and I leaned into him, wondering if we should kiss. I didn't want to make the first move if it wasn't something he wanted as well, so I just looked at him. It was so perfect. The r&b music was playing and we exchanged smiles and then he just leaned into me and started kissing me. Slow at first, then adding his tongue and with a little more force. I was turned on so quickly I almost couldn't control myself. So, needless to say I gave him head. He was so shocked about my abilities he came in under ten mins. From then on our rituals turned into sexcapades. I was getting worried that we were turning into fuck buddies and I didn't want that.
When we began talking I made it clear that I was interested in having a relationship of some sort and wasn't looking for someone to hook up with. There we were doing exactly what I didn't want to do. I tried to stop myself, but I was attracted to him, I couldn't help it. WE began having mini arguments about what we were doing about a month into us "talking". He kept on telling me he didn't know what he wanted n I kept on telling him I wanted more. Over the next few months we had many of these similar arguments, all resulting in the same thing. Nothing. We didn't know what we were doing, and where we were going. LAst night I planned on telling him goodbye for the last time, telling myself it's what I had to do because I might be wasting my time with him. You can take a wild guess what happened. We walked around the campus and talked, and talked, and talked. Talked about us, about the campus, about life. We ended back at my car and I decided to take us to the marina to finish our convo. Well, I could feel the sexual tension even though we had been talking all night about separating. So we played a kissing game, and well that didn't last long, we began making out and it was all over after that, and the result? THE BEST SEX.
I know we have different ideas of what's expected from the other and it's hard. This relationship thing is confusing and difficult because we are different and busy and... But I like him. I enjoy his company, his sarcasm, his jokes, his stories, his advice, his eyes, his lips...so I didn't end up walking away, or even coming to a conclusion. We don't know what we are doing but we know we like each other and that's what counts, right? He said earlier in the night that what's worth keeping is worth working for, and I guess I just may have to work a little harder for him/it. At least try to make something out of this, because I think its worth it. If I find out it's not, then there's a lesson learned, but for now I guess I will just try to go along with the flow. We will see what the universe has in store for us.
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