dancing = struggling

There aren’t many things that intimidate me, and if there are, I am pretty good at faking it until I’m making it. Contact improv is one of those marvelous things that intimidates, and flat out scares me. Being required to get involved in an actual jam didn’t seem scary until the day I showed up. It’s hard for me to let go of that sense of “being right” when it comes to dance. I come from a place where you must “do everything correctly” or you are a “horrible person”. So needless to say the fear of failing in public scarred me to death and made me so nervous I couldn’t stop shaking. However, having made it through three successful improve jams, I am here to say that there is nothing better than contact improvisational dancing.
The initial movement scared me. Many people jumped right into it after warming up, and I had to stretch a little longer than I normally do so I could prepare for what might lay ahead. As I slowly made my way toward the crowd of people I started to over analyze what I might do. In fact I started thinking so much my head began to pound and my hands started shaking violently. Why I was so nervous I will never understand. So I took it back to the basics. I made lots of slow basic movements with my feet and up to my arms. Before I knew it someone approached me and I had to get my act together.
Like finding something new and different I explored this man’s body and took everything slow. As he started to pick up tempo I controlled it with a movement that slowed us back down again. We must have been dancing for at least five minutes before I picked up pace. As I grew more and more comfortable moving I allowed my momentum to take over my movement. I kept in mind the disillusion of gravity and what it felt like in class to just keep moving. I was afraid to stop. Fear of stopping kept me going as strange as it sounds. Then suddenly I stopped and watched. Amazed at everybody and how they all moved so beautifully together. There wasn’t a long enough pause for me to watch because someone new came up to dance with me. It was almost as if I was in another world. Being lifted to an outer space where there are no problems and thoughts of right and wrong. Although I was reluctant at first, once I gave in my body pulled me through some of the most memorable dance moves I have ever done. I really wish I had more faith in myself and others to completely let go and be free, but I am sure that will come in time. For now I really just want to be able to make it to another contact improv jam at least once a month if not more. Learning about this style of dance has truly helped me become a better dance and even a more inspired dancer. Those things I am always thankful for.